The boy who loved to pet fish is a story about a young boy whose parents bought him a fish tank with two goldfish (not the cheese flavored cracker). His parents told him the fish would not survive out of the water, “For this reason,” these fish needed to stay in the tank. Every morning he got up and carefully sprinkled some food in the water, watching as the fish swam to the top of the tank and ate the floating flakes of fish food. He loved staring at the colored rocks on the bottom of the tank. When the fish came over to the glass, in his mind, he could hear them say, "Hold me. Pet me. Hold me. Pet me." The call of the fish grew so strong in his mind that he had to grab the net and scoop up both fish. He then proceeded to pet them until they fell asleep on the palm of his hand. The End.
This happy little story has several "morals" to it. But for our purpose here, there is only one. If you want to build a thriving marriage, do not start out petting. No, that is not it! Sorry, the 12-year-old in me took over for a second.
The point is that when the relationship you have with someone becomes more about you and what you want than the relationship itself, you will eventually violate the rules of the relationship, and nothing good will happen.
In light of Valentine's Day this week, I thought I would write something about marriage, and next week we will go back to our regularly scheduled program.
Over the past 40+ years of ministry, I cannot count how many weddings I have done or how many hours of marriage counseling I have done. But I can recall the most important central part of input I give to every couple. The most important word in marriage is partnership.
A brief recap of the Creation Story from the Bible shows God investing in the need for partnership between a husband and wife. Here is the rundown: God made stuff and said it was good. God made boy and girl critters and said it was good. God made a boy person in His image and said the boy needs a partner, so He made a girl person and said it was great. Everyone was happy.
The next three words give us both design and function in what God made. The Bible puts it this way, “for this reason,” a man will leave his mother and father and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
God’s instruction? To leave everything else, be joined together, become one flesh and stay together.
Notice, before his instruction, he says there is a reason to leave everything else, be joined together, become one flesh and stay together. The reason, so that their partnership will be primary in their hearts, minds, values, and actions. The reason? PARTNERSHIP
“For this reason,” a God-designed PARTNERSHIP, we are to adjust everything else about our lives. For the sake of partnership, we need to alter where we live, whom we live with, how we express intimacy. Here is what my crazy brain sees, “For this reason,” means to make the relationship so important that everything else changes.
Great partnership in marriage only happens when both partners understand that “For this reason” means valuing marriage more than themselves. Because I love my marriage more than myself, I place its needs above my own. “For this reason,” I do everything I can to grow as a person of faith and character. “For this reason,” I do my part in being a partner. “For this reason,” I check with my partner daily to see what needs she has. “For this reason,” means to elevate the marriage above the rest of life and adjust everything to make it thrive.
When I elevate my marriage above myself, I ensure its healthiness. I do not take it into environments that kill it. I put effort into studying my partner so I can make sure she thrives in this partnership. By treating my marriage well, I model for my kids how important a person their mother is and demonstrate the value God places on a marriage. When I live into the words “for this reason,” and then act as though the partnership God created is of immeasurable value, our marriage thrives.
Let’s go back to the story. When I take marriage out of the tank just to satisfy myself, I remove it from an environment in which it thrives and place it in an environment that will eventually kill it.